A Barbecue

For various reasons, I have had occasion recently to reflect on how my life has unfolded, and the decision-making, or lack of it, which contributed to the course of events and experiences. In addition to the decisions which had a material impact, some notable incidents merely had symbolic or symptomatic significance, but they were nonetheless worthwhile and noteworthy.

One such 'happening' which came to mind during my recent reminiscences took place when I was eighteen, nearly nineteen years old. It was the late summer, and within a few days myself and my peers would receive the results of our A-level school examinations, as they are called here in the UK the final exams which people take before leaving High school/secondary school.

The exams themselves had taken place around May/June, and there followed an uneasy period of leisure and supposed relaxation, as we awaited the outcome of our academic endeavours. I had spasmodic contact with my friends during these weeks; I think most of us were slightly wary, conscious of wishing to be alone with our thoughts. I occupied much of the Summer watching sports on television and evincing an air of unconcern and nonchalance, despite the anxieties which lurked close to the surface.

Anyway, in that week before the results were announced, I received a call from a close school-friend. He asked whether I would like to join him and a few other people at his home for a barbecue. I accepted the invitation quite readily, as I was on the lookout for things to occupy my time and distract me from the pivotal times and decisions which loomed up ahead.

I walked the relatively short distance to my friend's home, and discovered that there were about half a dozen of us in attendance. It was just us, the school group, no older people, and this in itself may have been important, as it perhaps signified that we were now ready to organise and constitute something as "grown up" as a barbecue...

I recall clearly that the mood was subdued, and an air of wistfulness was all-pervasive, almost as though this innocuous gathering somehow represented some rite of passage. We picked at our food in quite desultory fashion, all I think striving to exude a sense of resolve or calm.

The barbecue occurred in the early evening, and there was that chill and slight breeze in the air which is commonplace at that time of the year.  The sun was threatening to go down, the sunlight was weakening and these conditions added to the poignancy and mild surrealism of the moment.

Few of us spoke much for the duration of the "function", and when we did the exchanges were rather perfunctory, as if nobody wished to give much away, or unsettle the others who were there. The uncertainties and challenges of the near future were all weighing heavily on us, even if we did not really wish to admit this to others or ourselves. None of us was particularly animated either, generally remaining seated and undemonstrative. 

I don't remember the barbecue ending as such; we all just gradually drifted away, dispersed. Much of which was expressed was unspoken, but I suspect understood by the members of this gathering. This was the end of an era, and soon prospects such as higher education or full-time employment would present themselves. The taciturnity of the assembled persons was an apposite commentary on the prevailing mood.

So I do look back on the barbecue as signalling a watershed, the ending of one phase and the beginning of another longer but less innocent and frivolous phase. It did serve a purpose, by acting as a tangible step in a process of sorts. It helped that the attendees were quite similar in character or temperament, all of us being reserved, even reticent individuals. There was no eccentricity or loudness to disturb the solemnity.

I gradually lost contact with the people who were present, and I have next to no idea how their personal, academic or professional lives turned out. I wonder whether they remember the barbecue as vividly as I still do?  Maybe they don't have my facility for recollecting such events whilst filtering out so much else...

The exam results duly emerged during the week which followed. I was moderately pleased, and to some extent, surprised by my own results, and made a snap decision to eschew the charms of university life and soon entered the world of work and adulthood in earnest.

As for the barbecue itself - well, such a prospect would hold scant attraction for me nowadays, as I am a vegetarian.....